I’ve been greeted by one of my classmates at the start of the new semester. I’m surprised he remembers my name, but I don’t remember his.
Me: “Tell me your name again?”
Him: “My name.”
Me: *laughing* “No, tell me what your mom calls you.”
Him: “My mom calls me heathen.”
I don’t have resting b*tch face, this is just my face.
Someone orders food in the cafeteria and when their total comes to $6.66, they say, “Oh NO, I’m NOT leaving it like that. Give me a cookie, too.”
Never fart in an elevator when you’re alone because what if a hot guy/girl gets on and you share a flirty smile with them but then they step into your noxious fumes.
At the gym after a hard set and your trainer’s like, “Alright, ten more reps!”
So the other day my friends and I talked about doing a speed dating thing for fun. And I figured, why not play around with the whole thing? Why not come up with more and more ridiculous things to say? For example:
Him: “So, tell me about yourself.”
Me: “Pretty sure I was a unicorn in a past life.”
When you daydream about being a millionaire and what you’d buy, most people talk about mansions and cars and designer clothes.
Meanwhile, I’m over here like, “You mean I could pay off my student loans? Wow! Amazing! I could afford healthy/organic food? Incredible!”